Gas in the Back

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Henry has been driving his ancient pick-up truck for several miles when he realizes that he just might be running low on gas.  Using a notepad, he usually keeps track of his miles driven since the gas gauge and odometer are both broken.

As he travels down the highway, he realizes that nearly every car and truck probably uses electric vehicle technology.  He hopes to find some gasoline at the next fueling stop.

Driving around a curve, he spots his destination ahead.  Waiting alongside the highway is a sparkling, new station.  He feels the pick-up beginning to gasp for more fuel.

He pulls up to the pumps, but they are not really fuel pumps.  Each terminal waits to recharge an electric vehicle.  Henry pulls off his cap, and begins scratching his head.  What is he to do?

Off to the side of the property sits an old trailer—probably older than Henry’s pick-up.  The door cracks open, and a crusty, old fella sticks his head out and waves Henry to come on over.

As Henry approaches the trailer, he hears the old man shouting, “Gas in the back.”

As they finish up their conversation, the old man reminds Henry, “Remember, no charge.  I need to drain this underground tank.”

Henry drives around to the back of the trailer.  Between the dilapidated home and a small lake, he discovers one lonely gas pump.  Missing its hose, a second pump stands like a ghost left from the good ol’ days.  Looking at the working pump, he thinks, “I wonder if it will even pump gas.”

He questions how old the gasoline might be, but he doesn’t have many options left.  His ideas seem about as dried up as his gas tank.

There’s a sign next to the pump, which states, “Fill up at your own risk.”

Henry begins pumping gas, but he plans to only add a few gallons.  Who knows how old this regular gas really is?

Finished!  He jumps back in the cab of the pick-up and starts it up.  The engine groans with a cough and a sputter.  The indicator lights on the dash all power up like the starting lights on a drag race’s Christmas tree.  They refuse to turn off.

Slowly, Henry drives away.  The engine sounds awful, but he doesn’t have much choice except to head down the road. 

As he returns to the highway, he sees a sign.  He grimaces and frowns. 

The sign reads, “Thanks for stopping by.”

Henry growls to himself, “Thanks for nothing!”

A few miles later, passing electric vehicles barely notice an abandoned and battered pick-up truck.  It’s taking a well-deserved nap in the back of an empty, peaceful field.

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Monday Memories: Summer Hammock

pair of red and white low top sneakers

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Under the shade of a massive oak tree, Fred relaxes in his backyard hammock while enjoying a perfect summer afternoon.

A slight, friendly breeze helps to keep the bugs away, and Fred always thinks better when he spends time in his comfortable hammock.  He looks up into the canopy of branches in the tree above, and his eyes begin following an intensely busy squirrel which is scurrying back and forth . . . back and forth.

Fred’s thoughts begin to wander as he imagines his own creation of the “perfect” treadmill.  While his model will have the usual cup holder, he will add a necessary tray for his pepperoni pizza.

Thinking . . . How can a person calculate how much wood a woodchuck could chuck, if he could really chuck wood?

Worried about an upcoming family reunion, he recalls telling his close friend, Wally, “How will I remember all of their names?”

Wally confidently replies, “Easy, just call everyone ‘cousin.’”

Remembering his granddaughter’s wedding reception last summer, he asks his wife, Doris, to dance.  He tells her, “They’re playing our favorite song.”

It takes the couple a little longer to arrive on the dance floor, and the song is nearly half over.  Fred calls out to the DJ, “Play it again Sam!”

Several minutes go by.  The “always in a hurry” squirrel pauses and thinks to himself, “What is that noise?”

Looking down, he spies Fred blissfully sleeping and dreaming, and his loud snoring serenades the entire backyard with . . . well, almost charming tunes.

Originally published March, 2020.

Life’s Reactions (Haiku Series #229)

Emergency

Empty coffee can

Much needed grocery run—

No caffeine to spare

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Digging In

Final goal-line stand

Fullback takes crucial handoff—

Freight train A-coming!

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Choices

Husband’s chores waiting

Morning’s golf invitation—

What’s a man to do?

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Monday Memories: Knock at the Door

black home area rug

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Here’s a true story from my past memories.  I have never forgotten this one after all of these years.  Hmm . . .  who is knocking at the front door?

The boys had just returned home from a busy day at their elementary school.  Their walk home never took too long since they lived right across the street from Central Heights Elementary School.

Being a snowy, winter day, everyone wore their black, buckled snow boots (or overshoes).  The boys’ mother always carefully labeled the inside of their boots with each boy’s name on a piece of white tape.

Nearly everyone at school wore very similar boots. The boots slipped easily over their shoes in keeping them clean and dry.

A soft knock could be heard at the front door.  The boys’ mother looked out and could see a little girl waiting impatiently outside.  She knocked again.

The mother opened the door, and was immediately greeted with a firm and loud exclamation, “Richard, has my boots!

The woman looked down at the girl’s black boots, and they were very similar to what the boys wore . . . black in color with buckles.  Not many girls wore black overshoes, and she was wearing an older winter coat, probably a hand-me-down.

The mother introduced herself, and asked the girl’s name.  Robin lived a couple of blocks away

She politely asked Robin, “How do you know Richard has your boots?”

Robin replied with her firm, confident voice, “Because his name was written on the label inside of these boots.  I figured he must have put on the wrong boots after school.”  She had taken off the boots and was holding them in her hands.

The mother called for her son, and Richard came to the door.  The girl explained the situation to him, and he sheepishly went back inside to check the boots he had worn home.  Sure enough, the worn and faded label inside of each boot read, “Robin A.”

Richard brought Robin’s boots to the door, and he made the exchange with her.  Robin pulled the boots over her shoes so she could continue on her walk home.

This winter day was probably one neither Robin nor Richard would forget.  While their lives pretty much went their separate ways, they graduated from high school in the same year.

Even today, Richard has sometimes wondered if Robin would remember the story of the mixed-up snow boots.

vintage 1960's rubber galoches / black rubber boots / overshoes ...

Here’s a nearly identical pair of black, buckled overshoes similar to the ones worn during my elementary school days.  (Found on Pinterest)

Originally published March, 2020.

Tuesday’s Funnies (Haiku Series #222)

Dad on the Run

Driving, late for work

Checking gas gauge, “On empty!”

Who used this car last?

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Arresting Humor

Under surveillance

Comedian out of work—

Stealing one more joke

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Staying in Shape

Morning exercise

Topped-off coffee cup ready—

Pumping caffeine curls

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Wow Grandpa!

Grandpa and his six-year old grandson were having a lively discussion about television technology, and Grandpa was quite amazed with the young lad’s knowledge.

His grandson continued to rattle off how modern television works with services such as Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, and a few others.  Grandpa was still plugged into his cable contract, and he was content to stay there.  He knew next to nothing about these television streaming services.

As their time was wrapping up, Grandpa remembered something he had stored in the basement.  Together, the two of them went down into the drafty and dark subterranean warehouse, which was filled with so many of Grandpa’s treasures.  Grandpa enjoyed showing many of them to his grandson.

In the far corner was an old television set.  Its time was long gone, but it still owned some real estate in the basement. 

Grandpa asked his grandson a question, “Have you ever seen television rabbit ears?”

His grandson replied, “No, how did they work?”  Grandpa had ignited his curiosity again.

Reaching into a box behind the ancient TV, Grandpa pulled out the simple looking rabbit ears.

His smiling grandson was ready to see what would happen next.  He said, “Wow Grandpa!  How did you wear those rabbit ears?”

Mark Twain Quotes

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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Training is everything.  The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835-1910), better know by his pen name of Mark Twain, is often recognized as one of America’s greatest humorists.  Novelist and writer William Faulkner called him the “father of American literature.”  While he was in California in 1865, his literary skills struck gold with the story of “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.”

Not Ready Yet!

When he turned 60 years of age, Pete received his Golden Buckeye card in the mail.  Being officially granted “senior” status wasn’t all that he expected.

He really hadn’t put his card to use.  Quite frankly, he had forgotten about the card.  It was still hiding in his wallet, not much worse off than when it arrived in the mail.

One day, Pete wondered, “I don’t look and feel too bad.”  After all, he still walked outdoors and bicycled indoors.  He was in fairly good shape, so he thought.

Then his 80th birthday showed up, quite unannounced and definitely without any fanfare.

He guessed that everyone must be waiting to give him a rocking chair in a few years when his horsepower finally runs out.

The next morning, Pete looked into the mirror and told himself, “I’m not ready yet!”

Could this be Pete in a few years? (Courtesy of Pinterest)

Monday Memories: Life Looks Back

man in green jacket

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Dusty top of the kitchen fridge

No worries about cleaning

Unless . . .

Taller guests come to play bridge

 

Windshield wipers, broken and worn

Needing to be replaced

But never . . .

Attempt when rain becomes airborne

 

Congested and overmatched table

Keeping life healthy and in order

Looking like . . .

Walgreens, filled with pill labels

 

Remembering school days past

Time to take another test

Pausing . . .

Hoping the “ditto” smell will last

 

Self-driving cars, soon to be the craze

Sitting in one, with perplexed look

Pondering . . .

Will the back seat driver be unfazed?

 

Raiding the freezer for a midnight snack

Hunger disrupts blissful sleep

What’s this . . .

Cookie Dough ice cream has been hijacked

 

Installing a terrific app on her “hip” phone

Grandson helps his Grandma out

Meanwhile . . .

With his flip phone, Grandpa feels quite alone

 

Finding a parking spot is tonight’s mission

Free valet parking

Guaranteed . . .

When you drive a manual transmission

 

So many toilet paper choices and sizes

What ever happened to having just one?

Confusing . . .

Mega and Super Mega waiting in disguise

 

Enjoying a late night film on television

Fearful of falling asleep

Always prepared . . .

Setting an alarm, allows for night vision

 

Reading and proofreading, reading once more

Retired English teacher

Never satisfied . . .

Writing a “perfect” text with words to adore

 

If you have enjoyed this bit of fun

Wait for the next round

When . . .

Doughnuts and coffee for everyone

doughnut on white ceramic plate beside ceramic mug on brown wooden table

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Originally published March, 2020.

Alphonse Allais Quotes

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Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.

Do not put off till tomorrow what you can the day after tomorrow.

Alphonse Allais (1954-1905) was a French writer, journalist, and humorist.  Much of his poetry was crafted with a playful and amusing nature.