Keep Smilin’ (Haiku Series #98)

Yes . . . Really!

Early morning view

Magic mirror never lies—

Seeing perfection

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Oops!

Car slides into lake

GPS wet with errors–

Where did my map go?

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Chilling Taste

Sweetest tooth talking

Escaping the day’s heat wave—

Hi Baskin-Robbins

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Endless Race

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Running on this daily treadmill, filling life’s gloomy story

Falling behind in life’s endless race, without much glory

 

Working Nine to Five, five long days each week

Stumbling through every month, looking bleak

 

Forgetting when life last paused for any vacation

Punching in, punching out . . . time clock fixation

 

Heating up life’s pressure cooker, deadlines loom ahead

Hoping the lid doesn’t blow off, propelled into tiny shreds

 

Watching everyone trying to row in the same boat

Rowing in separate directions, now barely afloat

 

Refueling the tank, this coffee break no longer helps

Scurrying on empty, might just as well holler a yelp

 

Taking the elevator to another miserable meeting

Ending up on the wrong floor, no warm greeting

 

Driving home each night, worn down to a blown-out frazzle

Stopping at the same red traffic light, it no longer dazzles

 

Racing every day, life delivers another coup de grace

Looking left, then right . . . who’s winning this rat race?

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Monday Memories: Dang Jack Rabbit

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Bill runs into his neighbor Fred at the local feed store.  In conversation, Bill tells Fred, “I noticed that there back tire on yer truck is a mite bit low on tread.”

Fred replies back, “Ah, dat there tire has quite a few miles left da go.”

The men depart and finish up their business in town before heading back home.  As Bill drives down the road, he comes upon Fred’s truck, rolled over on its side, off of the road.

Bills stops and surveys the situation.  Fred appears okay, much of his cattle feed is scattered on the ground, and the suspected tire has blown nearly clean off of the rim.

Bill calmly asks Fred what has happened.  With eyes growing bigger by the second, Fred excitedly tells him, “A vig jack rabbit nearly ran me self off this here road.  Look vat he did to ma perfectly good tire.”

Simple and Easy

Sometimes I just have to laugh at TV commercials.  Nutrisystem promotes its meals for men who wish to lose weight.  Order it and the box arrives at your door.  Then just heat the meal and eat.  What can more simple than this?  This poem’s theme is written as a parody of this whole process.  As for me, I sure won’t be ordering meals in a box.

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Endless diets make the rounds

Hoping to lose a few pounds

 

Subscribing to EasyMeals

Delicious and thrifty deals

 

Simple and easy promise

Please any doubting Thomas

 

Order the food while online

Shipping never takes much time

 

Box of meals ships to the door

Bypass the grocery store

 

Open the box, check it quick

No more cooking, that’s the trick

 

Picking a meal, heat it now

Such easy and yummy chow

 

Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks

Simple life comes in these packs

 

Feeling extra hungry now

Eating two meals, tasting “wow”

 

Going through this two-week box

In just a week, quite a shock

 

Stepping on the scale one day

Extra pounds plus some, shout “Hey!”

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Subtle Laughs (Haiku Series #96)

The Writer

Thinking Stephen King

Blood, sweat, tears filling each page—

Typing my novel

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Sharing Love

Bringing flowers home

Husband with best intentions—

Wilting with sadness

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Out of Luck

Golf is like taxes

Driving hard for the green, yet—

End up in the hole

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Cookies, Books, and Coffee (Haiku Series #93)

Ain’t Fun

Bag of Oreos

Milk missing in the ice box—

Now singing the blues!

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Say What?

I’ve read some good books

Me as well . . . a plethora—

Never read that one

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Oh No!

Need to hurry home

Checking out at the market—

Forgetting coffee!

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Humor from Home

The Easy Life

Meals, treats, naps, and love

Man’s best friend, enjoying life—

Master of the house

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Out of Luck

Teenage lad climbs tree

Scanning for a new girlfriend—

Neighborhood wasteland

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Making Room 

Delicious dinner

Loosening up this tight belt—

Now room for dessert

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Life Laughs Back (Haiku Series #90)

Not for Me

Obedience school

Violates my canine rights—

Dog walks away free

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Try, Try Again

Car attempts to park

Seven times without success—

Miffed student driver

Courtesy of Pinterest.

Cold Reception

Social media post

Only three likes arrive from—

Me, myself, and I

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Flying Coach

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Elizabeth is flying in coach seating on her way to Minnesota.  She occupies the window seat, and a quiet gentleman has been sleeping in the aisle seat.

The flight attendant offers her refreshment and a snack.  She selects a diet Coke and a bag of peanuts.  The attendant graciously leaves her the entire can.

As the plane nears its destination, Elizabeth begins to clean up her tray table.  There is a little bit of Coke left in the can, and she pushes her empty peanut bag inside of it.

WARNING!

KIDS DON’T TRY THIS WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION!

Inside of the can, a surprise chemical reaction is taking place as the salt in the peanut bag mixes with the Coke.

Without warning, Elizabeth experiences Mount Vesuvius at 30,000 feet.  Her little napkin is all she has to snuff out the volcano before disaster covers her lap. 

What will she do?

Glancing to her right, she spies a blanket covering the sleeping gentleman.

Monday Memories: A Hole in the Middle

This sweet poem was originally published in April, 2019, and it remains one of Big Sky Buckeye’s most viewed and liked posts.  While I now refrain from enjoying doughnuts (because I need to watch my sugars and carbs), there was a day when I could never turn down a delicious treat.  Enjoy!

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Simple, yet decadent pleasures they are

Being quite easy to locate from your car

 

Driving down the road each day

Now you wonder what it is, I say

 

The coffee’s on and ready to go

Include a doughnut for the road

 

Missing doughnuts for so many weeks

Passing them up is never for the meek

 

Call them “donuts”, many Americans say

For me, I prefer “doughnuts” to this day

 

My doctor instructs me, “No sugar for you!”

Now my doughnut days are sadly through

 

However, doughnut temptation sings a song

If I reach for one, there is a deafening gong!

 

Sorry mister, there will never be doughnuts for you

So I continue down the road, singin’ the sad blues

 

Who made the doughnut hole in the middle?

Now that has always been quite the riddle

 

Waking up in the middle of a lonesome night

Dreaming of doughnuts makes a sugary sight

 

While some folks are addicted to Krispy Kreme

My doughnut tastes envision a different theme

 

Boston Cream, Long John, and Jelly

All sound delicious to my hungry belly

 

Old-fashioned, Sour Cream, and Glazed

Why can’t I enjoy a simple one today?

 

Now in my car and hungrily driving at midnight

The Jolly Pirate Donut shop stays open all night

 

I pull into the empty parking lot with sad surprise

The sign reads, “Closed tonight”— alas no prize!

 

This poem could continue on and on and on for sure

Does anyone have a doughnut to share with this sir?

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Here’s a final footnote:

In the classic film “It Happened One Night”

Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert are a fright

Gable, the newspaper man, enlightens

Colbert, the heiress, never frightens

As they travel the back roads and stop

For a cup of hot coffee at a tiny shop

. . . with doughnuts for dunkin’