Tuesday’s Funnies (Haiku Series #222)

Dad on the Run

Driving, late for work

Checking gas gauge, “On empty!”

Who used this car last?

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Arresting Humor

Under surveillance

Comedian out of work—

Stealing one more joke

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Staying in Shape

Morning exercise

Topped-off coffee cup ready—

Pumping caffeine curls

Photo by Bianca Gasparoto on Pexels.com

Wow Grandpa!

Grandpa and his six-year old grandson were having a lively discussion about television technology, and Grandpa was quite amazed with the young lad’s knowledge.

His grandson continued to rattle off how modern television works with services such as Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, and a few others.  Grandpa was still plugged into his cable contract, and he was content to stay there.  He knew next to nothing about these television streaming services.

As their time was wrapping up, Grandpa remembered something he had stored in the basement.  Together, the two of them went down into the drafty and dark subterranean warehouse, which was filled with so many of Grandpa’s treasures.  Grandpa enjoyed showing many of them to his grandson.

In the far corner was an old television set.  Its time was long gone, but it still owned some real estate in the basement. 

Grandpa asked his grandson a question, “Have you ever seen television rabbit ears?”

His grandson replied, “No, how did they work?”  Grandpa had ignited his curiosity again.

Reaching into a box behind the ancient TV, Grandpa pulled out the simple looking rabbit ears.

His smiling grandson was ready to see what would happen next.  He said, “Wow Grandpa!  How did you wear those rabbit ears?”

Mark Twain Quotes

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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Training is everything.  The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835-1910), better know by his pen name of Mark Twain, is often recognized as one of America’s greatest humorists.  Novelist and writer William Faulkner called him the “father of American literature.”  While he was in California in 1865, his literary skills struck gold with the story of “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.”

Not Ready Yet!

When he turned 60 years of age, Pete received his Golden Buckeye card in the mail.  Being officially granted “senior” status wasn’t all that he expected.

He really hadn’t put his card to use.  Quite frankly, he had forgotten about the card.  It was still hiding in his wallet, not much worse off than when it arrived in the mail.

One day, Pete wondered, “I don’t look and feel too bad.”  After all, he still walked outdoors and bicycled indoors.  He was in fairly good shape, so he thought.

Then his 80th birthday showed up, quite unannounced and definitely without any fanfare.

He guessed that everyone must be waiting to give him a rocking chair in a few years when his horsepower finally runs out.

The next morning, Pete looked into the mirror and told himself, “I’m not ready yet!”

Could this be Pete in a few years? (Courtesy of Pinterest)

Monday Memories: Life Looks Back

man in green jacket

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Dusty top of the kitchen fridge

No worries about cleaning

Unless . . .

Taller guests come to play bridge


Windshield wipers, broken and worn

Needing to be replaced

But never . . .

Attempt when rain becomes airborne


Congested and overmatched table

Keeping life healthy and in order

Looking like . . .

Walgreens, filled with pill labels


Remembering school days past

Time to take another test

Pausing . . .

Hoping the “ditto” smell will last


Self-driving cars, soon to be the craze

Sitting in one, with perplexed look

Pondering . . .

Will the back seat driver be unfazed?


Raiding the freezer for a midnight snack

Hunger disrupts blissful sleep

What’s this . . .

Cookie Dough ice cream has been hijacked


Installing a terrific app on her “hip” phone

Grandson helps his Grandma out

Meanwhile . . .

With his flip phone, Grandpa feels quite alone


Finding a parking spot is tonight’s mission

Free valet parking

Guaranteed . . .

When you drive a manual transmission


So many toilet paper choices and sizes

What ever happened to having just one?

Confusing . . .

Mega and Super Mega waiting in disguise


Enjoying a late night film on television

Fearful of falling asleep

Always prepared . . .

Setting an alarm, allows for night vision


Reading and proofreading, reading once more

Retired English teacher

Never satisfied . . .

Writing a “perfect” text with words to adore


If you have enjoyed this bit of fun

Wait for the next round

When . . .

Doughnuts and coffee for everyone

doughnut on white ceramic plate beside ceramic mug on brown wooden table

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Originally published March, 2020.

Alphonse Allais Quotes

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Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.

Do not put off till tomorrow what you can the day after tomorrow.

Alphonse Allais (1954-1905) was a French writer, journalist, and humorist.  Much of his poetry was crafted with a playful and amusing nature.

Life’s Lighter Side (Haiku Series #215)


Viewing cooking shows

Watching, yet never taste test—

Counting calories

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Pushing shopping cart

Faster than flashy Corvette—

Speed up–kids at play!

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Gifted three-year old

Earning Phi Beta Kappa—

Reading picture books

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Race to Nowhere

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The annual county fair wraps up most of its activities on Saturday, and the PRCA rodeo highlights the day’s events.

Professional cowboys travel to this small town every August in search of top prize money as they show off their skills.  However, the real adventure and fun arrives at the end of the rodeo competition. 

Every year the Wild Horse Ride wraps up the afternoon.  Gathering from the area’s farms and ranches come “wannabe” cowboys.

The goal for each rider is to mount a horse and ride around the race track.  It’s winner-takes-all at the finish line.

The riders are divided up into teams, and each team consists of two other individuals.  The mugger controls the untamed horse’s head so it cannot rear back.  The shanker holds the lead rope so the wild horse doesn’t run away.  The rider is left to saddle the anxious horse and race it.

As the announcer starts up the competition, a mad scramble commences as each team frantically works together.  One rider, LeRoy, is the first to saddle and mount his overly aggressive horse.  He turns his horse around and heads to the race track, well ahead of the other riders.

However, there remains one big problem.  LeRoy’s mount is galloping in the opposite direction around the track, and he will never be able to turn the horse around.  The crowd roars with laughter at LeRoy’s dilemma. 

To this day, many rodeo goers still remember “Wrong Way” LeRoy!

Monday Memories: Drivin’ the Fairway

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Pete lines up his tee shot on the first hole.  Will his golf game be up to par?

He takes his stance, and his graceful and controlled swing looks perfect.  Well it should; after all, it was just his warm-up swing.

Swinging for real, Pete’s tee shot flies away and looks to be splitting the fairway right down the middle.  Suddenly, the golf ball changes direction as its speed shatters the sound barrier . . .  hooking and hooking, left and more left!

Through the fairway.

Into the backyard of a home, sitting along the fairway’s left rough.

This tee shot looks hungry to score.

Through the kitchen window.

Right into Fred’s morning “Cup of Joe.”

Filled with a swagger and some pumped up jazz, Pete wanders up to the kitchen window and peers inside. 

He confidently asks Fred, “Do you mind if I play through?”

Puzzled, Fred looks down at the golf ball swimming in his cup of fresh brewed coffee.  Without saying a word, he seems to be singing the blues!

Originally published July, 2020.

Monday Memories: Waiting for a Call

woman wearing gray topcoat during snow season

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Waiting for its urgent call

Winter’s snow waiting to strike

Where is winter hosting fun?

Playing games in the Klondike


School children watch outside

Dreaming of a snow day soon

School’s steady beat marches on

Soon, everyone sings a new tune


Weather forecast predicts snow

Snowplows prepare for battle

But, this storm slides to the north

Hmm, snow dumps on Seattle!


Outside, waiting for a call

Snow shovel dreams of snowfall


Originally published January, 2020.