Monday Memories: Afternoon Rendezvous

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The pace of work at Bill’s office has recently been too much to bear.  Laboring for countless hours to land a substantial account for his marketing business, he has been working diligently, nearly nonstop, with little time off.

Viewing a beautiful day outside of his office window, Bill checks his calendar.  All looks free for an afternoon rendezvous with one of his favorite places . . . a splendid, quiet 18 holes on the golf course.

As he quietly slips away from the office, Bill instructs his secretary to hold down the fort . . . “Please keep the boss off of my back for three hours.”

About two hours later, Bill’s boss shows up.  He needs to catch up with Bill about this new account.  Let’s eavesdrop on the conversation between the boss and Bill’s ever-protective secretary.

The boss asks the secretary, “Where’s Bill at?  I need to check on his progress with our newest account.”

She dutifully replies, “He’s working on his game.”

“What game?”

“He’s working hard to land this new account that’s better than par.”

“Well, I hope he keeps his eyes focused on the prize, just like an eagle.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’s looking for lots of birdies, perhaps an eagle or two”

As the boss leaves the office, he turns around and smiles, “Bill really is my ‘ace in the hole’ around here.”

Meanwhile at this same moment on the golf course, Bill tees off on the short, par-3, 13th hole.  His ball carries straight and true, lands softly on the green, and meanders right into the hole. 

A hole-in-one . . . an ACE!

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Monday Memories: Oh Brother!

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Oh, Brother!

 

Sometimes people look at me in a sort of puzzlin’ way

They just don’t appreciate my approach to each day

 

Through their eyes, I must be an utter red-neck

They fail to understand my life, not one lil’ speck

 

Some say I have an accent when speakin’

Darn if I know, I’m just talkin’ and seekin’

 

Before I digress too much further, let’s see

I live in America, lookin’ always to be free

 

My Daddy taught me the major differences in life

Between right and wrong, always love one’s wife

 

My Mommy shared her love of nature’s delights

Her bountiful garden, with colors always bright

 

Growin’ up in an awfully small, yet welcome place

Life remain’ balanced and gentle, a relaxin’ pace

 

Joinin’ the U.S. Navy at the earliest possible age

Livin’ on an aircraft carrier, like workin’ in a cage

 

Comin’ ashore to meet a lady for a date

Becomin’ my lovely wife and first mate

 

Receivin’ a degree with honors from Silage Tech

Not regrettin’ my time there, never wantin’ to fret

 

My best friends live and labor on farms and ranches

We hook-up on Saturday nights for fun-filled dances

 

Livin’ in the countryside, but drivin’ to my job in town

People say I’ve been too busy, never makin’ a sound

 

Can’t they see who’s followin’ me down the walk

Two lil’ youngins, brothers lovin’ to play and talk

 

My two boys, Pete and Re-Pete, makin’ me proud

Even when their horseplay gets a tiny bit too loud

 

Oh, Brother!

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Tasty Sunrise (Haiku Series #127)

Sugar’s Charm

Morning breakfast time

Pancakes searching for sweetness—

Think maple syrup

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Better Choice

Ordering three eggs

Scrambled or over easy?

Make it an omelet

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Believe It

Bacon, sausage, ham

Can’t decide, let’s go for it—

Eating the whole hog

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Monday Memories: Can a Typewriter Fly?

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A trio of boys is always up to mischief at school.

Mrs. Hall is the very strict, no nonsense, typing teacher up on the second floor.  She runs her classroom like a well-run military operation.  She adores reading about General George S. Patton.

The typing classroom consists of the latest manual typewriter models.  (Sorry lad, no electric ones yet.)

The delinquent boys intend to surprise and shock Mrs. Hall this morning.  After all, there is nothing wrong with conducting a small science experiment from her classroom.

Have you ever seen a typewriter fly? 

The boys sneak an old typewriter into Mrs. Hall’s classroom before the school day begins. 

With a lookout posted near the classroom door, the other two boys open a window and place the typewriter on the ledge.

Just as Mrs. Hall walks into the room, her ever-alert eyes see the boys at the open window with the typewriter. 

“Hey Mrs. Hall!  Have you ever seen a typewriter fly?”

The typewriter is launched from the window ledge, precisely on schedule.

Thinking the boys are dropping one of her prized Olivetti typewriters from the window, brings a shocking look of surprise to Mrs. Hall’s face . . . Priceless!

Missing the Bus

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Little Johnny hurried down the sidewalk.  Catching his breath upon reaching his school bus stop, he waited and waited.

Soon his fate began sinking in.  He had missed the bus . . . again!

The warm and sunny morning invited him to walk across the street to a park.  Curious and feeling playful, he explored and enjoyed some spontaneous fun.  Readin’ and writin’ and rithmetic could wait a spell.

Minutes turned into a couple of hours.  Feeling hungry, Johnny discovered a perfect hideout under a nearby pine tree.  He pulled out his brown bag lunch.

Following a quick lunch, he felt a bit sleepy.  Fresh air, plenty of exercise, and a filling lunch made him drowsy.  Curling up under the tree, Johnny was soon snoozing on a bed of soft needles.

Stirring awake, the noise of his rickety school bus shuttling down the street reminded him that school was over for another day.

Upon reaching his house, Johnny’s loving mother met him at the door.  Her stern-looking frown told him to watch out . . . caught again!

 

Monday Memories: Start Bailin’

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Milt and I push his small rowboat into the lake’s calm waters on a sunny, early morning.  Fishin’ is absolutely on our minds.

Milt’s boat has stood the test of time, and she definitely looks it.  There are patches here and there, scrapped and worn paint, and even some mismatched planking on the floor.

Rowing the boat far from shore, we arrive at the very best place to fish the lake.  The deep water covers the territory with the biggest fish around.

We both become quite involved with our fishin’ as we cast again and again, hoping to catch the big one.  We fail to notice the threatening skies above.  A mother-of-all thunderstorms appear heading for the lake, and we sit directly in the crosshairs of its vicious aim.

Before we can even think about rowing back to the safety of the shore, Milt and I feel the tiny craft being engulfed by the torrents of rain and the white caps of the charging waves.

Our clothes and fishin’ tackle become soaking wet in a few short minutes, and then the boat begins to list to the starboard side.  She’s taking on water much too quickly.

Looking more anxious by the second, Milt shouts out, “Start bailin’ now!”

Watching my tackle box floating away, I yell back, “With what?”

 

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Humor Time (Haiku Series #120)

Map Time

Checking highway map

Will we ever find Waldo?

Waldo, Ohio

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Game Time

Shopping at Macy’s

Pat, may I buy a towel?

Wheel of “good” Fortune

Courtesy of Pinterest.

Snack Time

Passing up on Mounds

Sometimes you feel like a nut—

Almond Joy “rescue”

Courtesy of Pinterest.

Lighter Moments (Haiku Series #117)

Perfection

Mirror’s morning view

Witnessing facial laugh lines—

Wrinkles . . . never mind!

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Rule #1

Five seconds to go

Dropping a slice of pizza—

How clean is the floor?

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Finished

Some parts left over

Backyard gym now assembled—

Who needs instructions?

Courtesy of Pinterest.

Monday Memories: Filling the Freezer

Written in October, 2019, this story is based upon a true incident experienced by a close friend of mine.  He actually did make a bow hunting trip into the mountains of southwestern Montana in search of an elk to fill up his freezer.

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“The freezer will be full of meat this winter,” Pete tells his skeptical wife as he heads to the mountains for his annual elk hunting trip.

Montana’s Big Hole Valley offers some of the best elk habitat in America.  Pete has been preparing for his fall elk hunting trip over the summer, and he plans to bag a large bull elk this fall to fill up the home’s deep freeze with delicious and tasty elk meat.

In scouting the mountains, Pete knows exactly where the elk will be when he returns for bow hunting season.  Armed with his very effective and precise compound bow, he knows success is just one accurate shot away.

Hiking into the mountains, Pete stakes out a familiar area and waits quietly in the tall grass and brush.  The anticipation builds as his body stays on high alert.  The nervous tension only adds to the anxiousness of the hunt.

Suddenly, an enormous bull elk wanders through the trail, just as Pete expects.  His position provides a nearly perfect angle and distance.  He takes careful aim with his bow, pulling it back with careful precision.

Plummeting to the ground with a groaning thud goes Pete!

The arrow flies harmlessly into the trees.  Pete’s shoulder has popped out, and the throbbing sting is excruciating.  He rolls around on the ground in acute pain.

Deliberately and triumphantly walking past the stricken bow hunter, the elk looks down at him with a slightly confident look as if to say, “I guess your freezer will be empty again this winter.”

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Needing to Laugh (Haiku Series #115)

New Strategy

Risky stock market

Transferring investments now—

High stakes poker game

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Monotony

Bored with daily life

Home shopping network’s passion—

Needing more gadgets

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Nightmare

Midnight’s scary dream

Water skiing on big lake

Chased by hungry shark

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