Haiku Series #67 (Humor)

Timeout

Digital “brake” time

Turn off social media—

Pausing to recharge

facebook application icon

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Satisfying Workout

Meeting for coffee

Skipping the Tuesday workout—

See you on Friday

bright close up color colorful

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Too Early

Morning alarm rings

Hey, it’s the weekend silly—

Switching back to snooze

cat lying on table

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Life Looks Back

man in green jacket

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Dusty top of the kitchen fridge

No worries about cleaning

Unless . . .

Taller guests come to play bridge

 

Windshield wipers, broken and worn

Needing to be replaced

But never . . .

Attempt when rain becomes airborne

 

Congested and overmatched table

Keeping life healthy and in order

Looking like . . .

Walgreens, filled with pill labels

 

Remembering school days past

Time to take another test

Pausing . . .

Hoping the “ditto” smell will last

 

Self-driving cars, soon to be the craze

Sitting in one, with perplexed look

Pondering . . .

Will the back seat driver be unfazed?

 

Raiding the freezer for a midnight snack

Hunger disrupts blissful sleep

What’s this . . .

Cookie Dough ice cream has been hijacked

 

Installing a terrific app on her “hip” phone

Grandson helps his Grandma out

Meanwhile . . .

With his flip phone, Grandpa feels quite alone

 

Finding a parking spot is tonight’s mission

Free valet parking

Guaranteed . . .

When you drive a manual transmission

 

So many toilet paper choices and sizes

What ever happened to having just one?

Confusing . . .

Mega and Super Mega waiting in disguise

 

Enjoying a late night film on television

Fearful of falling asleep

Always prepared . . .

Setting an alarm, allows for night vision

 

Reading and proofreading, reading once more

Retired English teacher

Never satisfied . . .

Writing a “perfect” text with words to adore

 

If you have enjoyed this bit of fun

Wait for the next round

When . . .

Doughnuts and coffee for everyone

doughnut on white ceramic plate beside ceramic mug on brown wooden table

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Summer Hammock

pair of red and white low top sneakers

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Under the shade of a massive oak tree, Fred relaxes in his backyard hammock while enjoying a perfect summer afternoon.

A slight, friendly breeze helps to keep the bugs away, and Fred always thinks better when he spends time in his comfortable hammock.  He looks up into the canopy of branches in the tree above, and his eyes begin following an intensely busy squirrel which is scurrying back and forth . . . back and forth.

Fred’s thoughts begin to wander as he imagines his own creation of the “perfect” treadmill.  While his model will have the usual cup holder, he will add a necessary tray for his pepperoni pizza.

Thinking . . . How can a person calculate how much wood a woodchuck could chuck, if he could really chuck wood?

Worried about an upcoming family reunion, he recalls telling his close friend, Wally, “How will I remember all of their names?”

Wally confidently replies, “Easy, just call everyone ‘cousin.’”

Remembering his granddaughter’s wedding reception last summer, he asks his wife, Doris, to dance.  He tells her, “They’re playing our favorite song.”

It takes the couple a little longer to arrive on the dance floor, and the song is nearly half over.  Fred calls out to the DJ, “Play it again Sam!”

Several minutes go by.  The “always in a hurry” squirrel pauses and thinks to himself, “What is that noise?”

Looking down, he spies Fred blissfully sleeping and dreaming, and his loud snoring serenades the entire backyard with . . . well, almost charming tunes.

Midnight Smorgasbord

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I woke up in the middle of the night last week.  A muffled series of sounds were coming from the kitchen, and no doubt my beautiful wife was up to something.

She had been fasting all day after we both enjoyed a pleasant mid-morning brunch., and now her hunger harshly interrupted her need for sleep.

I rose out of bed and began to creep silently toward the kitchen.

In the meantime, my wife was in the process of raiding the fridge for a midnight smorgasbord.  She had laid out a scrumptious feast on the kitchen counter with all kinds of tasty treasures.

She selected only three items, and was more than ready to sample a scrumptious, fried chicken leg and a cold piece of her favorite pepperoni pizza.

As I approached the kitchen, the only light was coming from the still-open refrigerator.  As I slipped unannounced into the kitchen, my wife’s midnight buffet was consuming into its final course . . .  dessert of course!

She was enjoying her final choice . . . a slice of decadent triple chocolate cake.

She turned and was shocked to see me up at this midnight hour (since I am usually a very sound sleeper).  She confidently told me, “I’m not night eating.  It’s time for ‘nunch.’”

With her mouth full, she asked, “Please pass me another slice of this yummy cake?”

blueberries cake chocolate chocolate cake

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Coffee By the Cup

assorted variety of foods on plates on dining table

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Wednesday morning broadcasts the arrival of another breakfast meeting for Billy and his other retired friends.  Once a week, he meets his five best buds for hot coffee, delicious food, and welcome conversation at Bob’s Diner.

He always wears his favorite plaid, flannel shirt (perhaps you recall Al Borland from “Tool Time”).  His faded, tractor green “John Deere” cap covers his nearly bald head, but his smile always catches his favorite server’s attention.

Flo has been working for the diner ever since Mel’s Diner closed (you might remember Mel and Alice—they became quite an item).  She holds her own with humor and a smile, always managing to take care of Billy and his pals every Wednesday morning.

As Flo is scurrying around the diner with her always full coffee pot, she sets it down near Billy’s table as she takes another order.  Billy appropriates the full pot of freshly brewed refills for his own private use, and sets it right next to his nearly empty cup.  He tells Flo, “Thanks my dear.  Now you won’t need to worry about refilling my cup.”

Billy remarks to his friends, “Ain’t life great!”

Billy enjoys his coffee, probably too much.  The manager takes a look and shakes his head . . . as his profits shrink with every coffee pot Billy drinks.  He motions Flo to come over for a moment, and they share a quick word.

Flo formulates a plan to take care of Billy’s endless and bottomless coffee drinking.

By the end of the breakfast meeting, the gray-haired trio times two has solved just about all of the world’s problems for another week.  Billy has nearly eaten a whole hog as he has devoured crispy bacon, honey-baked ham, and perfectly browned sausage links, along with the usual fixings of hash browns, eggs, and pancakes.  It’s time for the check please.

Billy surveys his bill, and his smile stretches to a frown.  Reading on, he sees that he has been charged for a whole pot of coffee.  He thinks to himself, “What’s this?”

Billy’s check has a special note at the bottom, “Cheaper to drink coffee by the cup instead of by the pot!”

red and white coffee set

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Waiting For a Call

woman wearing gray topcoat during snow season

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Waiting for its urgent call

Winter’s snow waiting to strike

Where is winter hosting fun?

Playing games in the Klondike

 

School children watch outside

Dreaming of a snow day soon

School’s steady beat marches on

Soon, everyone sings a new tune

 

Weather forecast predicts snow

Snowplows prepare for battle

But, this storm slides to the north

Hmm, snow dumps on Seattle!

 

Outside, waiting for a call

Snow shovel dreams of snowfall

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Monday Memories: Fairy Tale Dream

This poem has been updated from its original post from February, 2019.  Take note of a technique used in the style which links each pair of verses together.  

afterglow art backlit birds

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Jack hurriedly climbs the lofty beanstalk

Hoping to take Cinderella out for a walk

 

Cinderella looks out her window, slightly bitter

Left with Little Boy Blue, her tiny, glass slipper

 

Little Boy Blue feels like enjoying an afternoon nap

Hearing Snow White calling awakens him in a snap

 

Snow White hopes the Seven Dwarfs hurry back

Fearing the Big Bad Wolf will hide her in his sack

 

The Big Bad Wolf plans to enjoy a scrumptious feast

Hiding from Little Jack Horner who lives in the East

 

Little Jack Horner feels too full to devour a pie

Leaving the sweets for Jill who says, “Oh my!”

 

Jill loses her footing, tumbling down and down

Causing Jack to wake up, with a sleepy frown

 

Little Jack’s wonderful dream felt pleasing and fine

Reminding him that more stories wait for next time