Driving hidden roads
How did we ever get lost?
GPS offline
Back to the office
In-basket overflowing—
Is it Friday yet?
Boss tells teenager
Need to use more elbow grease—
What on earth is that?
Originally published in February, 2020, this humorous short story features the wills of a serious coffee drinker and a determined server, who wants to have the last word.
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Wednesday morning broadcasts the arrival of another breakfast meeting for Billy and his other retired friends. Once a week, he meets his five best buds for hot coffee, delicious food, and welcome conversation at Bob’s Diner.
He always wears his favorite plaid, flannel shirt (perhaps you recall Al Borland from “Tool Time”). His faded, tractor green “John Deere” cap covers his nearly bald head, but his smile always catches his favorite server’s attention.
Flo has been working for the diner ever since Mel’s Diner closed (you might remember Mel and Alice—they became quite an item). She holds her own with humor and a smile, always managing to take care of Billy and his pals every Wednesday morning.
As Flo is scurrying around the diner with her always full coffee pot, she sets it down near Billy’s table as she takes another order. Billy appropriates the full pot of freshly brewed refills for his own private use, and sets it right next to his nearly empty cup. He tells Flo, “Thanks my dear. Now you won’t need to worry about refilling my cup.”
Billy remarks to his friends, “Ain’t life great!”
Billy enjoys his coffee, probably too much. The manager takes a look and shakes his head . . . as his profits shrink with every coffee pot Billy drinks. He motions Flo to come over for a moment, and they share a quick word.
Flo formulates a plan to take care of Billy’s endless and bottomless coffee drinking.
By the end of the breakfast meeting, the gray-haired trio times two has solved just about all of the world’s problems for another week. Billy has nearly eaten a whole hog as he has devoured crispy bacon, honey-baked ham, and perfectly browned sausage links, along with the usual fixings of hash browns, eggs, and pancakes. It’s time for the check please.
Billy surveys his bill, and his smile stretches to a frown. Reading on, he sees that he has been charged for a whole pot of coffee. He thinks to himself, “What’s this?”
Billy’s check has a special note at the bottom, “Cheaper to drink coffee by the cup instead of by the pot!”
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Written and published in June, 2019, this short story is an early attempt with humorous, flash fiction.
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Pete has been planning a well-deserved, solitary fishing trip for months. His actual plans have remained a secret—especially from his nauseating cousin, Wilbur.
Wilbur always meddles in Pete’s affairs. So much so, he even frightened away the love of Pete’s life.
Pete is ready to make his “secret” trip for some rest and relaxation. He anticipates fantastic weather, superb fishing, and time all to himself. Paradise awaits!
As Pete enters the lobby of the sleepy, little motel in a tiny, isolated town, he agonizingly hears, “Good Buddy! How ya doin’ cousin Pete?”
Vacation paradise . . . Never!
New day callin’ now
Raisin’ one eyebrow
Shiftin’ sticky clutch
Steps seem out of touch
Life makin’ no sense
Ain’t got fifty cents
Sittin’ on life’s bench
Rain comes, just to drench
Losin’ track of time
Life’s lemons and limes
Prices skyrocket
Jean’s empty pockets
Life’s newest gamble
Fallin’ to shambles
Lookin’ down dark road
Map’s secret, stealth code
Life’s hollow grand slam
Cold toast without jam
Missin’ mornin’ snooze
Just singin’ life’s blues
Dreamin’—yes I am
Life’s final exam
While crafting this poem, thoughts went back to hearing American singer and songwriter Roger Miller performing his classic, award-winning hit song, “King of the Road.” Here is a taste of his unique talent.
Newlywed’s “house rules”
Ignore all of the above—
Wife is always right!
Golf course investment
Cash needed for 18th green—
Paying up lost bets
Tranquil camping night
Youngsters scramble out of tent—
Skunk proudly walks out
Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart.
Whenever a man’s friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.
American Washington Irving (1783-1859) ranks as one of his country’s most renowned authors. His amazing short stories of “Rip Van Winkle” and “The Legend of Sleeping Hollow” remain all-time classics. Ironically, his final resting place is at the Sleeping Hollow Cemetery in New York state.
Morning until night
Solitary cook at truck stop—
Tethered to hot stove
Homework’s challenges
Questions plead for extra help—
Asking Alexa
Playing together
Adults paying attention—
Young children teaching
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The other day, grandpa had a conversation with his very confident (and all knowing) six-year old grandson. Let’s drop in on the conversation for a moment or two.
Grandpa states, “Does your television wake up each morning at 6:00 with a color bar display on the screen?”
His grandson replies, “Nope. Remember Grandpa, I am not as old as you. Besides, didn’t you only watch shows on black and white TVs?”
Grandpa proudly recalls the American space program and tells his young protégé, “I was there in 1969 watching Neil Armstrong walk on the moon.”
His eager grandson answers back, “I really don’t think you were on the moon with Neil Armstrong because Buzz Aldrin was there instead. You know, landing on the moon isn’t such a big deal. I plan to visit Mars.”
Grandpa pauses for a moment, thinking to himself . . . This young fella has an answer for everything!
Grandpa wanders over to his desk and pulls out a miniature plastic card. He holds up the 3.5-inch floppy disk and tells his grandson, “We used to save our computer data on disks such as this. Pretty amazing, don’t you think?”
His grandson eagerly says, “Wow Grandpa! Now we store information on a cloud.”
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His grandson pipes up and asks, “Grandpa, do you have anything else you want to share with me before I go?”
“Why sure!” Grandpa says with a grin. “I remember when the Ford Mustang came out in 1964. It was the hottest and fastest ride.”
“Sounds amazing, but I am looking forward to owning and driving a Corvette when I am a whole lot older. It leaves the Mustang in the dust.” His smiling grandson adds with a cute, little smile (with two missing front teeth).
Grandpa scratches his head, and then he laments with a heavy heart, “I’ve been a Cleveland Browns football fan for all of my life. You should have seen them play back in the 60s.”
His football prognosticator grandson quickly answers back, “Yup, and you’re still waiting for them to play in their first Super Bowl. Go Steelers!”
“I have an old bicycle sitting in the garage. Perhaps we can go for a bike ride this weekend.” Grandpa sighs (he is nearly exhausted).
“Why sure Grandpa. But, do you think your old three-speed bike can keep up with my brand new 15-speed?” The first-grader replies, with a wink.
Later in the day, Grandpa is sitting in his reliable, comfortable rocking chair in the living room. He ponders a thought . . . I don’t know what I am going to do when my grandson becomes a fifth grader. I’ll never be as smart as a fifth grader!
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Wrong hat, no service
Walking into McDonalds—
Crown from Burger King
To the moon and back
NASA’s Apollo missions—
Best carpool ever
Mexican foodfest
Robot-created tacos—
Savor high-tech food
It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright.
Well done is better than well said.
Much of Franklin’s wisdom was shared in his published pamphlet, “Poor Richard’s Almanack,” which appeared continually from 1732 to 1758. He adopted the pseudonym of “Poor Richard” or “Richard Saunders” as the publisher and author.
Big Sky Buckeye 