Struggling with God over the issues of life doesn’t show a lack of faith–it is faith.
From Matthew 8:24-26: “A windstorm arose on the sea, so great that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but He [Jesus] was asleep. And they went and woke Him up, saying, ‘Lord, save us! We are perishing!’ And He said to them, ‘Why are you afraid, you of little faith?’ Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a dead calm.”
God is the God of do-overs, and that should give us great hope. We really can be absolved of our past.
From Acts 22:6-8: “[From the conversion of Paul] While I was on my way and approaching Damascus, about noon a great light from heaven suddenly shone about me. I feel to the ground and heard a voice saying to me, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?’ I answered, ‘Who are you, Lord?’ Then he said to me, ‘I am Jesus of Nazareth whom you are persecuting.'”